So Who Wins - The Any Character in the World Battles

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25. Green Goblin vs. Hobgoblin

Major enemies of Spider-Man square off, and funnily enough these goblins have nothing to do with the Lord Of the Rings!

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Fighters

Green Goblin                                                                                                                           Hobgoblin

                                                                             

                                      

Set-Up

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Roderick Kingsley, taking a break from his vacation, decides to get even with Norman Osborn for buying his company in the hostile way he did. So he goes to Oscorp in his Hobgoblin suit. After he enters the front gates he find himself face to face with the Green Goblin. He must have been expecting me, thinks Hobgoblin oh well the less property damage the better, I don't want Spider-Man to know I'm back, or I'll never make it back to the beach. So who wins? Both have roughly the same gadgets, and both wouldn't shed a tear at the other's funeral.

Commentators

Spider-Man                                                                                                                     Darkhawk

                                                                             

Commentary

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Spider-Man: Hobgoblin waists no time in hurling a pumpkin bomb at Green Goblin. Hmm what a strange word: hurl. It could mean throwing something, or tossing your cookies. No wait…tossing your cookies. Now that I say it out loud, I get it.

Darkhawk: Wow Spider-Man you always were a character.

Spider-Man: Umm, yeah I guess. Who are you again?…oh, no wait I remember. You’re the shady bird aren’t you?

Darkhawk: Um, my name is Darkhawk. We fought alongside one another on many occasions. Don’t you remember?

Spider-Man: Oh, yeah…vividly…mostly…kinda…sorta…not really…no.

Darkhawk: Well you might want to check the historical documents of your adventures. There is a lot about me in The Amazing Spider-Man 353, 354, 357, and 358.

Spider-Man: Oh, The Amazing Spider-Man. I never liked that very accurate historical document. They never got my nose right.

Darkhawk: But your in a suit. How could you even see your nose?

Spider-Man: Oh, its noticeable, they made it look like I didn’t even have a nose.

Darkhawk: Ok, that’s enough ranting, I really think that we should get back to the fight.

Spider-Man: Your right, Anyway, Hobgoblin threw a pumpkin bomb at Green Goblin, and Green Goblin dodges it. No surprises there.

Darkhawk: The pumpkin bomb blows up right behind Green Goblin forcing him forward, and nearly causing him to fall off of his glider.

Spider-Man: Hobgoblin throws half-a-dozen or so more pumpkin bombs at Green Goblin, and The Green Goblin responds by throwing his own at Hob.

Darkhawk: At this point I think it would be a good idea if we got rid of the word goblin when saying their names. So Green Goblin will now be “Green“, and Hobgoblin will be “Hob”

Spider-Man: Yeah, I think people would have caught on with out that interlude.

Darkhawk: I just want to make sure that we don’t confuse anyone out there.

Spider-Man: You know what would be even more confusing?

Darkhawk: What?

Spider-Man: If we called them both “Goblin”!

Darkhawk: I don’t think people would like that very much.

Spider-Man: I know, I was just joking.

Darkhawk: Ok, now back to the fight again. Each fighters pumpkin bomb hit in mid air, blowing up, and causing any non-hit bombs to blow up in the blast.

Spider-Man: I think that these two should give up throwing pumpkin bombs at each other, at least for now, and get to the hand-to-hand combat.

Darkhawk: I agree, and it looks like Greenie agrees with you too as he zooms toward Hoblin at full speed.

Spider-Man: “Greenie” and “Hoblin”? Are you kidding? What happened to “Green” and “Hob“?

Darkhawk: Well, I didn’t think that those two flowed very well.

Spider-Man: Well what ever, first you make up nick names, then decide that they were no good before even trying them out.

Darkhawk: Look its no big deal what we call them, I think people will know who we are talking about.

Spider-Man: Ok, whatever you say Master-Nickname-Maker. Why don’t we just call you M-N-M for Master-Nickname-Maker.

Darkhawk: I don’t think I like that very much.

Spider-Man: Well did you ask Greenie and Hoblin what they thought about your nicknames?

Darkhawk: Look, I don’t think that this is relevant. We should be discussing the battle that is happening.

Spider-Man: Your right, but you keep changing the names on me, I’m just trying to keep up.

Darkhawk: Ok, it’s “Greenie” and “Hoblin” Ok?

Spider-Man: Alright.

Darkhawk: Are we ok now?

Spider-Man: Ask me later.

Darkhawk: Well I don’t want you mad at me because of a misunderstanding.

Spider-Man: It’s fine, lets just continue.

Darkhawk: Alright, Greenie flies towards Hoblin and they collide in mid air.

Spider-Man: Fists, arms, and legs are swinging in all directions. Neither one’s blow’s seem to be harming the other.

Darkhawk: Suddenly, Greenie forces an uppercut into Hoblin’s jaw.

Spider-Man: Hoblin goes flying up and backwards, leaving his glider behind.

Darkhawk: Before Hoblin can hit the ground though, Greenie zooms after him, grab’s him by the neck and throws him at the ground.

Spider-Man: That was some fight, I guess it was just a matter of brainpower for this fight as they were oh so evenly matched in strength.

Darkhawk: Yes, I agree, but that was a fast fight, I hope Hoblin isn’t too upset.

Spider-Man: Frankly I don’t care what he feels. The second he is conscious again, I’m gunna kick the crap out of him.

Darkhawk: Well at least your willing to wait until he can fight back.

Spider-Man: Your right, I should just do it now.

Darkhawk: That’s not what I meant, but go ahead. I wont stop you.

Spider-Man: (mumbling) Like you could.

Darkhawk: What was that?

Spider-Man: Nothing, I just said that uh, beavers eat wood.

Darkhawk: Are you alright Spider-Man?

Spider-Man: Oh, yeah I guess…Its just that there was a picture of me and Black Cat on the cover of the Daily Bugle the other day, and Mjaaaaaa umm my lady friend saw it, and now I think I’m in trouble.

Darkhawk: Well your Spider-Man, I’m sure that you can get yourself out of trouble.

Spider-Man: Well I hope your right. Ok, well Green Goblin wins.

Darkhawk: Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought Hobgoblin would have won anyway.

Green Goblin defeats Hob-Goblin 11 votes to 1

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Disclaimer

Belong to Marvel Comics:

  • Green Goblin/Norman Osborn
  • Hobgoblin/Roderick Kingsley
  • Spider-Man
  • Oscorp
  • Darkhawk
  • Pumpkin Bomb
  • Goblin Glider
  • Black Cat
  • Daily Bugle
  • Mary Jane Watson-Parker

Belong to the Estate of J. R. R. Tolkien:

  • Lord of the Rings (Franchise)