So Who Wins - The Any Character in the World Battles

TACWB

55. James Bond vs. Batman

The UK vs. America: Who's gadgets will win?

*This fight was suggested by SimbasGuard

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Fighters

James Bond

Batman

Set-Up

(Skip)

 London (MI6 Headquarters):

 M sits at her desk reading the reports from MI6 operatives in the field, when her intercom buzzes.

"M, 007 is here" says the voice of her secretary.

"Send him in Miss Moneypenny" says M.

James Bond then enters the room.

"Good Morning M." says Bond.

"Greetings 007," says M, "Pleas sit down while I brief you on your next mission."

Bond then sits in the chair in front of M's desk.

"First off,” says M, "tell me what you know about The Batman?"

"Let's see," says Bond, "He is a masked vigilante, Operates in Gotham City in the United States, is highly skilled in hand to hand combat as well as many types of weapons, mostly hand thrown projectiles, he is a skilled pilot, and is said to be the world's greatest detective. As well as being part of  the J.L.A."

"Yes," says M, " some time ago Batman was seen in Japan just outside that village we've been keeping tabs on."

"The one where those mysterious energy readings have been coming from?" asks Bond.

"The same" says M, "furthermore It appears that Batman fought and defeated one of the villagers before being driven off. by several other villagers."

"Very interesting." says Bond .

"What concerns us,” says M, "is the weapon Batman used to end the fight. The Goo Gun that Batman used is almost identical to a weapon that Q has been waiting for months for Parliament to approve for field use by our agents."

"So another words," says Bond "You suspect that either Batman is hacking into MI6 computers, Or that their is a leak in the department or in Parliament."

"Exactly," says M "which is why your going to the U.S. to investigate."

"What's  My cover?" asks Bond.

"We have arranged for you to get a job with the PR department. of Wayne Tech under the name Daniel Brosnan." says M handing Bond a Folder marked For Your Eyes Only, "Wayne Tech produces the most Hi-Tech Equipment in Gotham, if Batman is getting an American company to build weapons stolen from us. Wayne Tech would be the best company to do the job. Your mission 007 is to retrieve proof that will either condemn or exonerate Wayne Tech. Now go see Q and He will outfit you with equipment for this mission."

"Understood." says Bond as he stands and begins to walk toward the door.

"Oh and 007." says M.

"Yes." says Bond.

"I trust that I need not remind you that you must not be revealed as a 00 agent." says M, “with as testy as America has been as of late we really do not want to strain our diplomatic relations with her."

"Understood" says Bond  who then leaves.

Days Later Bond is in America working at the PR department at Wayne Tech in Gotham City, using every spare moment he has to investigate any connection between Wayne Tech and Batman, but all he can find is the name of some corporations that lead nowhere.

What are you trying to hide Mr. Wayne? thinks Bond, I have to look at this closer.

Bond decides to investigate Bruce Wayne himself. Later Bond is able discover Bruce Wayne's  itinerary (By hacking in to CEO Lucius Fox's computer while his secretary was out to lunch) over the next week Bond sneaks in to several black tie events that are also attended  by Bruce Wayne, but is unable to meet him due to Mr. Wayne's leaving early or unexpectedly, this time much to the chagrin of his date.

He certainly is acting like a man with something to hide.
thinks Bond.

Bond then notices Mr. Wayne’s date walk over to the bar and Bond then casually walks over to the bar stands next to her and asks.

"Why so sad?"

The young lady turns to Bond and says.

"This is the third time this month Bruce Wayne has up and left me in the middle of our date", "I'm through with him."

"Well.," says Bond, "some men are to absorbed by their work to appreciate the finer things in life miss..."

"Angel Honeywell" says the young lady "And you are?"

"Brosnan...Daniel Brosnan" says Bond with a smile.

"It's  nice to meet you Mr. Brosnan" says Miss Honeywell.

"The pleasure is all mine." says Bond, "may I buy you a  drink?"

"Certainly", says Miss Honeywell, I'll have whatever your having."

Bond then gets the attention of the bartender and says.

"We would like two Martinis...shaken not stirred."

"So what brings you to Gotham Mr. Brosnan? asks Miss Honeywell.

"I used to work for a PR firm in Scotland, they transferred me here to Wayne Tech when they got overstaffed, I haven't been here very long at all." says Bond as the bartender brings their drinks.

"So I'm not the only one here without a date then?" asks miss Honeywell somewhat curiously.

"No your not." says Bond sounding slightly embarrassed, "being that your date has taken leave of his senses and left without you on his arm, would you allow me to be your date this evening?"

"Why thank you Mr. Brosnan," said Miss Honeywell, "I'd love to."

The next day Bond  comes into work having learned during his date with Miss Honeywell that Bruce Wayne's office door is locked electronically and that no one other than Mr. Wayne was allowed into the office. Bond puts in a full day and works long into the night, until after the cleaning crew has left. Bond then waits for the night watchman to take his coffee break, at which point He goes to Bruce Wayne's office and attempts to use the electronic override in his watch to gain access, only to discover that whatever fail safes are guarding the lock are to tough for even Q's gadgets to get past.

Looks like I'll have to do this the hard way.
thinks Bond who then goes to his car telling the night watchman that He's done for the night.

Bond then get in his car and drives away only to circle around and pull into an alley on the opposite side of the Wayne Tech Building. Once there he gets out of his car and retrieves a briefcase, He then returns to the car and changes into his 00 uniform (An all black suite consisting of a cargo-shirt, cargo-pants and combat boots.) Bond then fires a grappling line to the top of the Wayne Tech building, once his line is secure, Bond activates the winch in his grapple launcher and is quickly reeled to the top of the building. Bond then locates the main ventilation shaft.

It's a good thing I hacked into the Gotham zoning office and got this buildings blueprints before I came into work today. thinks Bond as he walks over to an air vent and discovers bars over it.

Now this wasn't in the blueprints. thinks Bond as he takes a pen sized laser cutting tool from his uniform and begins to cut the bars.

However after a few minutes Bond notices that the laser seems to be having very little effect.

This laser can cut through heat treated reinforced Titanium in less then a minute, thinks Bond,  but It's barely scratching these bars, what are they ma-

Bond's thought is interrupted as the laser cutting tool is knocked from his hand, Bond turns his head to see a caped figure standing on the edge of the roof.

"Batman I presume?" says Bond (Before he stands up Bond glances over his shoulder and sees a bat shaped shuriken on the ground behind him) "I thought I might meet you." (as Bond stands up he positions himself between the Bat-Shuriken and Batman, he then puts his hands behind his head) "Having you here must make the local Police Officer's jobs much easier." ( Bond then activates the magnet in his wristwatch and draws the Bat-Shuriken to him) "But then again it makes sense to look after your own doesn’t it...Mr. Bruce Wayne (Bond then takes the Bat-Shuriken off his watch and slips it up his sleeve) "I wonder how the Police would react to that information?" says Bond as he puts his hands down.

"Not nearly as bad," says Batman, " As the U.S. Government would react to finding out that MI6 is spying on  an American company...Agent 007 or do you just prefer to be called  James Bond?"

"It seems that you do live up to your reputation as the world's greatest detective." says Bond, "How did you know I was here?"

"When someone tampers with those bars an alarm is sent to me." says Batman, "What do I have that MI6 wants?"

"We suspect that your weapon designs may be stolen from us." says Bond.

"I design my own weapons," says Batman, "I don't steal anything."

"That could be proven if you would kindly lend me some of your weapons so I could take them back to MI6 to be reverse engineered." says Bond.

"And risk having all of MI6 discover the connection between Batman and Bruce Wayne," says Batman,"well let's just say if that happens the CIA will receive a detailed report of MI6's covert operations on U.S. soil."

"I understand," says Bond, "I'll just tell my superiors that my mission was a failure." Bond turns to leave and after quickly locating and retrieving his laser cutter  he begins to walk away.

"007." says Batman.
 
"Yes?" says Bond as he turns to see Batman walking toward him.

"Before you leave," says Batman, "I want my Bat-Shuriken back"

"What?" asks Bond.

"The weapon of mine that you slipped into your sleeve when you had you hands behind your head" says Batman?

"I'm afraid I have no idea what your talking about." says Bond.

“Don't play dumb 007," says Batman "Now either hand it over or I'll take it back.”

"Well if you insist on being uncivil about this." says Bond as he takes a fighting stance.

So Who Wins this battle of gadget wielding good guys?

 

*This Set-Up was written by SimbasGuard

Commentators

Q

 Robin

 

Commentary

(Top)

Robin: Wow this should certainly be an interesting fight! Batman doesn't usually get a chance to fight secret agents. All he fights here in Gotham for the most part are crazy psychopaths who just want to kill as much as possible. Although with the League, he gets to fight genius psychopaths who want to take over the world.

Q: Really? That's interesting, that is one of 007's specialties. I can think of at least 22 separate occasions when he has had to save the world single-handedly.

Robin: I think they might have made some documentaries about those. I think I've seen some of them.

Q: Yes, it's not easy for a secret agent when everyone knows that he's a secret agent before he starts his mission. I would assume that's how Batman knew who he was a few moments ago.

Robin: I don't think Batman watches too many movies.

Q: Oh well, lets get to the fight.

Robin: Alright. Batman whips out his Bat-Grappling-Gun, and shoots it at an extruded wall behind Bond.

Q: 007 saw instantly that this shot was not aimed at him, and did not move.

Robin: Batman flips a switch on his gun and his whole body shoots towards Bond.

Q: This time 007 sees that this one is intended for him, and smoothly dodges out of the way.

Robin: You know, people might get a little confused if we call him by a different name, let's just stick with 'Bond' OK?

Q: If you think it necessary.

Robin: Alright, Batman lands and pulls out three bat-shuriken,

Q: Bond brandishes an 8 mm pistol.

Robin: Batman throws one of his bat-shuriken.

Q: Bond shoots 2 shots. One hits the bat-shuriken and deflects it enough that it misses Bond.

Robin: The other Batman deflects with his remaining 2 bat-shuriken combined.

Q: Batman throws one of these dented bat-shuriken at Bond.

Robin: Bond caught off guard by Batman's bullet block doesn't respond quickly enough to dodge Batman's attack.

Q: Luckily for Bond this was only a disarming throw from Batman. Bond's 8mm flies out of his slack hand.

Robin: Batman throws his remaining bat-shuriken at Bond, and charges forward.

Q: Bond dodges the bat-shuriken, but cannot avoid Batman's tackle.

Robin: Batman tackles Bond to the ground, and after a single flip-and-pin, Bond kicks Batman off of him.

Q: Batman lands on his feet, and straightens up. Batman brandishes the bat-shuriken that Bond had picked up earlier.

Robin: Bond gets to his feet quickly and charges at Batman.

Q: Batman holsters the bat-shuriken, and takes a fighting stance.

Robin: Bond throws a punch at Batman, but Batman blocks it with the spiked bracers on his forearm.

Q: Bond recoils from the painful punch.

Robin: Batman quickly does a low swiping kick in an attempt to trip Bond.

Q: Bond however had seen this coming and jumps over Batman's extended leg. Both men straighten up.

Robin: At the exact same moment both do a high kick, and manage to kick each other square in the head.

Q: The two men are forced backwards, and quickly get to their feet.

Robin: Batman throws a right hook, Bond a left hook. Their fists collide, and both men recoil in pain.

Q: It would seem that this fight is getting no where.

Robin: I think that's what they are thinking, but Bond really wants that bat-shuriken, and Batman doesn't want to let him have it.

Q: This fight could go on forever. But I'm sure they are even now plotting the next 20 moves in which to defeat one another. Hopefully they don't have the same idea again.

Robin: Bond throws a punch, Batman jumps back to dodge it.

Q: Bond continues to punch at Batman, and Batman continues to hop backwards.

Robin: Batman being far enough away, and having enough; throws a bat-shuriken at Bond, Bond dodges it.

Q: Batman must have realized that he just threw the thing they were fighting over, and starts for the bat-shuriken. Bond who was closer whips around to grab the bat-shuriken.

Robin: Batman taking advantage of Bond's lack in concentration about the fight, throws a bat-bola at Bond, who did not see it coming.

Q: Bond falls to the ground, and Batman picks him up by the front of his shirt collar. One quick punch in the face, and Bond is out. Batman picks up the bat-shuriken and begins looking for the others scattered around.

Robin: Well there you have it. James Bond is defeated, Batman wins!

 

 

Batman defeats James Bond 26 votes to 21

(Top)

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Disclaimer

Belong to DC Comics:

  • Batman/Bruce Wayne
  • Gotham City
  • Justice League
  • Bat-Goo Gun
  • Wayne Tech
  • Lucius Fox
  • Bat-Shuriken
  • Robin
  • Bat-Grappling-Gun
  • Bat-Bola

Belong to MGM Holdings:

  • James Bond/007
  • M
  • Jane Moneypenny
  • Q
  • For Your Eyes Only
  • Shaken Not Stirred 

Belong to So Who Wins:

  • Daniel Brosnan (Name only)
  • Angel Honeywell