So Who Wins - The Any Character in the World Battles

TACWB

71. Rhino vs. Juggernaut vs. Hulk vs. Thing

Four of the strongest men on earth battle head-to-head to head...to head.

*This fight was suggested by Carew

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Fighters

Rhino                                    Juggernaut

 Hulk                                          Thing

 

Comments

Comments on this fight should be made on the Forum.

Set-Up

(Skip)

New York (Inside The Baxter Building):

“Oh come on Stretcho,” protests Thing “Ya’know scientific presentations ain’t exactly my cup a tea.”

“I know Ben.” says Mr. Fantastic “I’m sorry to put you in this position, but when Bruce called me and asked me to be in the audience when he unveils his new medical gamma laser. I said yes without thinking.”

“So why do I need ta go ta Dr. Banner’s presentation because of an agreement you made?” asks Thing.

“Because,” says Mr. Fantastic “in my excitement upon hearing that Bruce was going to once again make a major contribution to the scientific community. I completely forgot that Sue had managed to get us dinner reservations for the grand opening of Chetradome La Gourmet.”

“Don’t ya think Dr. Banner will understand if ya can’t make it?” asks Thing.

“I’m sure he would Ben,” says Mr. Fantastic “but Bruce really needs the moral support. Then there is the fact that I already committed myself.”

“Can’t ya send the matchhead,“ asks Thing “he might actually learn something.”

“Johnny is letting that gentlemen from out of town…I believe his name was Speed Racer. Use his garage to tune up his vehicle before his next race.” says Mr. Fantastic “You know Johnny can’t leave anyone alone in his garage and besides the presentation is at E.S.U.”

“Ya mean ta tell me that The Dean is still sore about the nova flame incident,” says Thing “What more do they want? We paid for the damages.”

“Yes,” says Mr. Fantastic “but there is still an unspoken tension between Johnny and The Faculty. It’s just better for everyone if Johnny steers clear of that place.”

“Good Point,” says Thing “can’t ya ask Susie to push back the reservations? I’d like ta help ya out but if Dr. Banner wants a pat on the back from a fellow lab monkey. He ain’t gonna be happy ta see me.”

“Sorry Ben,” says Mr. Fantastic “Chetradome La Gourmet is fully booked. There is no wiggle room with these reservations. Plus you don’t know what Sue had to go through to get these reservations, they were almost as hard to come by as tickets to the last Chetradome Tournament. We would have never gotten in if Tony hadn’t pulled some strings for us and I think Sue volunteered me to help Tony upgrade his Iron Man armor in return for that.”

“Let me ask ya this Stretch,” says Thing “is it fair that I should have ta spend my evening doing someth’n I won’t enjoy just because ya over booked yerself?”

“No Ben, it’s not fair,” says Mr. Fantastic “I am really sorry to impose on our friendship like this. Although you do remember what Sue was like the last time I had to cancel our dinner reservations, don’t you?”

Thing winces as he thinks back to the time that Mr. Fantastic is speaking of, he then says.

“So what time do a have ta show up at this presentation.”


Latverian Embassy (Elsewhere in New York):

“So this reporter is thrilled,” says the very toothy news reporter “that in spite of his being The Hulk. The scientific community still recognizes that Bruce Banner is still one of it’s best and brightest. I’m sure that Bruce Banner’s medical gamma laser will be a boon to humanity. That concludes the news at this half hour, please stay tuned for our next report after the break. This is KIT’N, owned and sponsored by The C.H.E.T.T. Corporation, thanks for watching and…well I…guess that’s it.”

Dr. Doom switches off his T.V. and says.

“I go to all the trouble of having cable hooked up to my new big screen plasma T.V. Which aside from the rug I’m standing on is the only thing in this burned out hall that that I have thus far had the time to fix, and the only news station that will come in clearly. Is the network with a dyslexic acronym and an anchorman who isn’t even smart enough to come up with his own sign-off. Still I am very intrigued by Dr. Banner’s medical gamma laser, it can supposedly destroy any cancerous cell completely and not damage the surrounding tissue in the slightest. However with some modifications it could be made into a weapon capable of destroying an army of undead warriors, just the weapon I would need in the event that Dracula decides to break his non aggression pack with me. Being that the device is already built, the modifications would not take long so the spies that Dracula has placed among my people would never suspect I had built a new weapon. All that remains to do is to acquire the device, mere thievery is beneath Doom so I require a lackey.”

Doom then opens one of his deck drawers and retrieves a spy drone, after switching it on Doom says.

“Find me, The Rhino.”

The spy drone then flies out of a conveniently open window to carry out it’s mission. A short time later Doom’s armor beeps, Doom then flips up a panel in his gauntlet, to reveal a view screen that is displaying Rhino’s face.

“Rhino I have a job for you.” says Doom.

“What do you need?” asks Rhino.

“I need you to bring me the medical gamma laser that Dr. Banner is unveiling tonight at Empire State University.” says Doom.

“Sure,” says Rhino “What time do you want me there?”

 

Magneto’s Hideout (Elsewhere in New York):

Interesting, Thinks Magneto as he reads through the morning edition of The Daily Bugle. With a few modifications this medical gamma laser could be just the tool I need to keep other foreign powers from interfering with my efforts to rebuild Genosha, Although I can not risk revealing my whereabouts if I hope to effectively return to Genosha unnoticed. I need someone else to obtain the medical gamma laser for me, there is only one man I can think of that can both obtain the medical gamma laser and not automatically implicate me just by showing up. I hope he hasn’t changed his cell phone number.

Magneto dials a number on his cell phone after 4 rings a deep angry sounding voice picks up and says.

“Who is it?!”

“Juggernaut?” asks Magneto somewhat hesitantly.

There is a long pause and then the voice, now sounding not quite so angry hesitantly says.

“Who wants to know.”

“Magneto,” replies Magneto “I have a job for you…assuming you have decided what side of the law it is that you want to work on.”

“I’m listening,” says Juggernaut.

“Good,” says Magneto “Dr. Banner is unveiling his new medical gamma laser tonight at Empire State University. I need you to obtain the medical gamma laser for me, once you have secured it contact me and we can set up a time and place for you to deliver it.”

“I can do that,” says Juggernaut “but if this turns out to be a plot you and Xavier cooked up to draw me out of hiding. I’ll crush both your skulls.”

“Even for you that would be a task easier said than done,” replies Magneto coldly “furthermore if two intellects as formidable as Charles and myself were to combine our scheming talents do you honestly think that we could not come up with something better than mere deceit?”

Juggernaut pauses for a moment and then says.

“Good point, what time do you want me there?”


Empire State University (New York, in the auditorium, later that night):

Dr. Banner paces nervously back and forth trying to rehearse the intro of his presentation when he is somewhat startled by a deep voice saying.

“Hello Dr. Banner.”

Dr. Banner composes himself and says, albeit somewhat unsteadily.

“Oh…h…hello Mr. Grimm.”

“Please Doc call me Ben.” says Thing.

“O.K. Ben,” says Dr. Banner “did Reed bring all of The Fantastic Four to the presentation?”

“Well actually Doc,” says Ben “Stretch couldn’t make it but he asked me ta come on his behalf and give ya his regards.”

“Why thank you so much Ben I really appreciate that.” says Dr. Banner “I hope you enjoy the presentation.”

“Oh sure,” says Ben “Stretch talks science all the time. Well I think that there are enough chairs in the back row that I can actually sit down without bother’n anyone so I’ll be cheering ya on from the cheep seats…so ta speak.”

“Thanks Ben,” says Dr. Banner “that’s good to know.”

Ben makes his way to the back of the auditorium while thinking

Yeah Stretch talks science all the time an most-a it goes over my head. Course there’s no reason ta make the Doc feel bad.

Several moments later after everyone (Including Thing ) has been comfortably seated, the curtain comes up on stage, and Dr. Banner walks out toward the front of the stage. He then addresses the audience.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the scientific community and the associated press, it is my pleasure to present to you my latest achievement in the research of gamma radiation. Behold the medical gamma laser.”

The flashes of many cameras go off as Dr. Banner unveils the medical gamma laser, after the flashes stop Dr. Banner continues his presentation.

“The medical gamma laser can focus the destructive power of gamma rays into a single beam precise enough to destroy any cancerous cells, while leaving healthy tissue unhar---”

Dr. Banner’s words are cut off as Rhino smashes through the back wall and steps out on stage.

People scream and rush for the exits while Thing thinks.

Terrific, I can’t get ta the stage ta clobber Rhino with out trample’n the people. I hope they all clear out fast enough for me ta put a stop ta whatever Rhino’s plan’n, and I hope Doc Banner is smart enough ta hightail it outta here too.

“This must be what I’m looking for.” says Rhino upon seeing the medical gamma laser.

As Rhino steps toward the medical gamma laser, Dr. Banner shouts.

“wait! You don’t understand how delicate the---”

Once again Dr. Banner’s words are cut off as Juggernaut smashes in through the left wall facing the stage, as the last of the bystanders are making there way out of the auditorium. Juggernaut bounds up on to the stage and places himself between Rhino and the medical gamma laser.”

“Juggernaut,” says Rhino somewhat surprised “ I have a job to do and even you aren’t gonna stop me.“

Rhino gets into a charging stance when Dr. Banner runs up alongside Juggernaut and says.

“Please, you need to stop him without damag---”

This time Dr. Banner’s words are cut off as Juggernaut grabs him by the back collar of his lab coat and flings him toward the back wall of the auditorium.

Fortunately for Dr. Banner, the remaining bystanders had just managed to clear the auditorium, and Thing who had been running toward the stage; leaps up and catches him.

Thing lands with Dr. Banner safely in his arms and shouts at Juggernaut.

“Hey Juggy! Ya forgot the first rule of super hero’n 101, Protect the civilians!”

A pain filled grown from Dr. Banner causes Thing then turn his attention to Dr. Banner and ask

“Hey Doc are ya all ri---”

Thing’s words are lost as he notices that Dr. Banner’s eye’s are now bright green.

What a revolt’s development thinks Thing as he sets Dr. Banner on the ground as Dr. Banner’s mussels begin grow and his clothes begin to rip The last thing the FF needs is ta be involved in more damage ta this collage. I’ve gotta get this fight outside an fast.

“I don’t know if ya can hear me Doc,” says Thing “but ya gotta keep from Hulk’n out as long as ya can.”

Without waiting for a reply Thing then runs up on stage behind Juggernaut and grabs the medical gamma laser. Thing then and runs out the hole in the wall that Rhino made. Luckily for Thing, Rhino and Juggernaut are too engrossed in their starring contest to notice that he took what they were about to fight over. Once Thing is outside he runs into a street that The Police had just managed block off. Just as Thing is plotting his next move the “Code: Blue” van pulls up and Lt. Stone gets out. Thing runs up to Lt. Stone and says.

“Hello officer, I got some goons after this gizmo. Could ya hide it for me?”

Lt. Stone thinks for a moment and says.

“Hide it behind the van, My men will then take up defensive positions around the van.”

“Good idea,” says Thing who then does as Lt. Stone suggested.

“Code: Blue” and the other Police Officers protectively surround the “Code: Blue” van.

“Perfect” says Thing to Lt. Stone “you fella’s can guard the gizmo an I’ll run interference for ya…Uh could I borrow yer bullhorn?

Lt. Stone nods his head and hands Thing his bullhorn. Thing then walks further out into the street (away from The Police) and shouts into the bullhorn.

“Hey Cupcakes, I have someth’n Ya want! So come on out an we can settle this Yancy Street style!”

Within moments Rhino and Juggernaut emerge from the hole in the wall that Rhino made (enlarging it as they exit jointly) and walk toward Thing. Thing drops the bullhorn and walks toward Rhino and Juggernaut, Then a crash is heard as Hulk burst from the roof of the auditorium. Hulk lands In-between the combatants and says.

“Horn Face, Helmet Man, Rock Man! Hulk Smash You All!”

All The combatants then take fighting stances.

So Who Wins This Battle of Behemoth Bruisers?

*Set-Up written by SimbasGuard

Commentators

Deadpool

 Cable

 

Commentary

(Top)

Deadpool: It's a fight like this that makes you want to be ridiculously buff.

Cable: Speak for yourself.

Deadpool: Yeah sure, you're ripped. But your not as Herculean as these guys.

Cable: Well, you'd be hard put to find anyone as buff as the Hulk.

Deadpool: That's true. I just wish I could get away with saying things like 'You better call a plumber, because these pipes are about to burst!' or 'I got pulled over by the cops today, why you ask? For carrying these guns!'

Cable: You could, it's not as if you are wasting away.

Deadpool: Not if any of those guys are around. I would just sound stupid.

Cable: I suppose so. I think we better get to the fight now.

Deadpool: I guess, but watch out, these pythons bite.

Cable: (sigh)

Deadpool: Hulk bounds towards Rhino, and Thing follows suit.

Cable: Hulk grabs Rhino by the horn, and hits Juggernaut with Rhino's body.

Deadpool: Juggernaut goes flying backwards, and Hulk throws Rhino at Thing.

Cable: Thing is hit with Rhino, and falls to the ground.

Deadpool: At that moment, Juggernaut gets up, and charges at Hulk.

Cable: Hulk claps his hands at Juggernaut, and Juggernaut is thrown back again.

Deadpool: Thing takes advantage of being one on one with Rhino, and starts punching his almost unconscious body. I guess being used as a weapon by the Hulk would make anyone dizzy.

Cable: Juggernaut gets up again, and proceeds to charge at the Hulk again.

Deadpool: This time, the Hulk slams his fists into the ground, causing a shock wave to pulse through the ground beneath them.

Cable: But it seems that Juggernaut was ready for this, and jumped at the the exact right moment.

Deadpool: Hulk is a little off put by Juggernaut anticipating his move, but regains his composure quickly as Juggernaut gets closer.

Cable: Hulk grabs the Juggernaut by the helmet and throws him high into the air.

Deadpool: Hulk jumps into the air after him.

Cable: Once the Hulk reaches the same elevation as Juggernaut, Hulk puts his fists together, and slams Juggernaut in the stomach, causing him to rocket downwards into the ground.

Deadpool: Hulk lands on Juggernaut and begins punching him in the face.

Cable: Rhino is unconscious now, and Thing makes a run at the distracted Hulk.

Deadpool: Thing punches Hulk square in the ribs, and Hulk is forced to stop punching Juggernaut.

Cable: Hulk backs up a bit from Thing, and Thing kicks a woozy Juggernaut into the wall of a nearby building.

Deadpool: Hulk tackles Thing and slams him into the ground.

Cable: Hulk raises his fists to slam onto Thing, but just then part of a building hits Hulk in the side.

Deadpool: Hulk topples over, and Thing stands up. He looks over to the now standing Juggernaut.

Cable: A look of what appears to be understanding is passed between them. They need to defeat Hulk, otherwise neither of them has a chance.

Deadpool: Hulk gets up, and picks up a nearby garbage truck.

Cable: He throws it at Thing, who thinking quickly uses his forearms to hit the garbage truck into the air behind him.

Deadpool: Juggernaut steps to the side as the truck crashes next to him.

Cable: Hulk looked taken aback that hit attack did no good, but gets over it quickly as he charges towards the Thing.

Deadpool: Thing braces himself as he attempts to catch Hulk's charge, and possibly get an attack in at the same time. Silly Thing.

Cable: Hulk knocks over Thing as if he were not there and charges towards Juggernaut.

Deadpool: Juggernaut looks a little worried, at least his eyes do, as he charges towards Hulk.

Cable: The two meet in the middle with a loud 'thunk' as their two bodies collide.

Deadpool: Hulk grabs Juggernaut by the neck, well I guess the lower part of his helmet anyway, and slams his body into the ground.

Cable: over and over again.

Deadpool: Hulk is slamming Juggernaut's head and back to the road, as the Thing gets up.

Cable: Thing charges Hulk from behind, but the timing is not on Thing's side.

Deadpool: Hulk sees his victory as Juggernaut's body goes limp. He turns around just in time to see Thing's rocky hand smash him in the face.

Cable: Hulk is forced backwards several feet, and Thing keeps on punching.

Deadpool: That is a good plan, it's better to not let Hulk get in a punch if you can help it.

Cable: Hulk raises his forearm to catch Thing's next punch, and Hulk pushes back.

Deadpool: Thing topples over, and attempts to stand.

Cable: Hulk grabs Thing by the neck, and forces him to remain on his butt.

Deadpool: Hulk takes his other hand and raises it into the air.

Hulk: HULK SMASH!

Cable: Hulk slams his fist, full strength into the top of Thing's head.

Deadpool: Thing remains motionless for a moment, upper body supported only by Hulk's enormous hand.

Cable: Hulk lets go, and Thing, already sitting, falls backwards. Out cold.

Deadpool: Wow! What a fight! Although I can't say I am surprised about the outcome.

Cable: Well there you have it. Hulk wins!


Hulk (23) defeats: Rhino(1), Juggernaut,(4) and Thing(7)

(Top)

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Disclaimer

Belong to Marvel Comics:

  • Rhino
  • Juggernaut
  • Hulk/Bruce Banner
  • Thing/Ben Grimm
  • Baxter Building
  • Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards
  • Sue Richards
  • Johnny Storm
  • E.S.U./Empire State University
  • Nova Flame
  • Tony Stark/Iron Man
  • Latveria
  • Latverian Embassy
  • Dr. Doom
  • Spy Drone
  • Magneto
  • Daily Bugle
  • Genosha
  • Charles Xavier
  • Fantastic Four/FF
  • Code: Blue
  • Lt. Stone
  • Yancy Street
  • Deadpool
  • Cable

Belong to So Who Wins:

  • Medical Gama Laser (Sort of)
  • Chetradome La Gourmet
  • The Chetradome
  • Chetradome Tournament
  • KIT'N
  • C.H.E.T.T. Corporation 

Belong to Speed Racer Enterprises:

  • Speed Racer

Public Domain:

  • Count Dracula